4. It Takes A Brother

Hey all, as a brief interjection to the general flow of things, I thought I would place this document up. Recently (within the past week), my church had a Youth Sunday service, which essentially meant that the service was led by the kids. As one of the older members of the group I was asked to share part of my personal testimony with the congregation, and specifically how my brother's battle has been affecting me. Naturally, I thought such a talk would fit perfectly on this blog. What follows are the written words of what was spoken (unfortunately not by me, but by my sister because of a terrible virus I had come down with). The overall theme of the service was, "It Takes a Village." A reference to the fact that it takes an entire community to raise a child. My role in communicating this message was to talk about how my brother helped to build me into the individual I have become. Enjoy...

It Takes a Brother

The relationship between my brother and me up to and through my elementary school years could be called rocky at best. As brothers are wont to do, there were a good deal of arguments and tussles between the two of us, mainly over simplistic things, on account of the clashing of our two natures, for, on a general account, Jared and I are opposites. Where Jared succeeds athletically, I succeed academically. Where Jared thrives in groups of people, I gravitate away from people. Where Jared loves orange juice, I love milk. However, there are a number of ways in which we are similar as well, one of which being that we both understand people, and can manipulate situations for our gain. Growing up Jared was always able to antagonize me in such a way as to always illicit some form of anger from me. Therefore, for those several years preceding middle school, Jared and I were mostly estranged from each other, in the sense of understanding that interacting with each other generally caused disruption and discord amid the family. Surely, we were brothers, and we did love each other, and there were a multitude of good times as well, but upon looking back, these are largely overshadowed by the physical and verbal bouts we experienced together.

Over the course of middle school years, and Jared’s high school years, the two of us hardly interacted. Despite living under the same roof and sharing a room, there was very little conversation and development of a relationship between us. Jared lived amongst the social crowd at school and was consistently involved in the athletic side of life, whereas I existed on my own in the surreal worlds contained in novels, movies and videogames. On the whole, Jared and I spoke very little to each other while Jared was in high school, climaxing in Jared’s senior year, where the extent of our communication were simple “Good nights” issued at various hours of the night when one of us would come into the room, or the occasional calls and texts I would have to give Jared to discover when he was coming home.

As a backdrop to this oversimplified scenario, and the rest of my family relationships, there exists the spiritual journey of my personal faith. Having been born into a family of two Christian parents, the themes, stories and narratives of the Bible have been taught to me from very early on. In a sense, Church attendance has never been either mandatory or optional; it’s always just been something that I do. For me, at least, going to Church seems just as natural, or perhaps even more natural, as going to school. I can recall the night when I understood enough about the Biblical message of the sinful nature of mankind, and the perfect substitution for those sins that Christ made through his death and resurrection that enabled all people to have access to eternal life with God in heaven. It was that night when I accepted  Jesus Christ as the Savior of my life. I did that around the age of four, and for the next many years, I increased in knowledge of Biblical truth and its stories, but not so much in the practice of those areas. There wasn’t much of a desire within me to do only those things that God wanted me to, and not the things that Drew wanted to do. For me, following what God had in store for me meant giving up the quiet and personal life I had built up around me. It is easy to disregard the opinions of parents because of the cultural norm to go against parental figures, which I did fairly often in regards to their wishes for me to pursue after developing a true relationship with Christ. Despite my parents influence and an older sister whose ambition was to please the Lord in all regards, my thoughts and general goals for most of my life have largely encompassed pleasing myself; thoughts that were solidified by a brother who lived the same way. Because of my personality, the pleasures and enjoyments I sought were primarily individual. I have always kept a group of about four close friends with whom I have experienced life, but, as I said earlier, I simultaneously experienced life through the eyes of others in the forms of books, movies and videogames.

All of this started to change midway through Jared’s freshmen year of college, however. Around that point, Jared initiated a series of meaningful conversations between the two of us through personal letters back and forth. For the remainder of the school year and into a little bit of summer, Jared and I continued to communicate through those letters, but it was during that time frame that a second event occurred; an event that is perhaps the most significant in Jared’s and my life to this day. That event being Jared’s summer vacation being spent in Ocean City, New Jersey alongside of 100 other Christian college men and women. During those 12 weeks spent in Ocean City Jared’s life attitude was completely and radically changed; his entire demeanor was altered. Upon returning home, Jared exhibited a singular desire to pursue Christ in every aspect. His conversations with people exemplified this and the way he was spending his time showed this. This attitude carried all the way through the school year too; unlike so many Christian conferences currently around, the summer project had trained its students how live a daily life in accord with God’s will. Seeing this new attitude in my brother, and the joy he was exuding stirred me to start living the same way. In the true spirit of a younger brother, I began looking up to my brother in order to be shown how to live a daily Christian life. Together, with my group of close friends, who were in fact Christians, though they mostly existed in the same state as me at the time, I began taking an active role in discerning my role in God’s design for this world, and started giving over control of aspects of my life to the Lord.

Over the course of that school year, Jared continued to live out his faith on the Miami campus by spiritually investing and building up others, and being built into by more mature believers and the following summer returned to Ocean City for another few months of being challenged to grow in his faith. That was this past summer, and before entering into that round of the Ocean City summer project Jared had laid out plans through prayer with God to spend the summer in a servants position, and though he said the words, it wasn’t until the summer began and God began pushing Jared into the role he asked for, that Jared understood the trials that accompany such a position. At the conclusion of the summer though, the experience was able to give Jared a small sampling of the role he would be given in the near future.

Just two months after returning from such a spiritual haven, Jared, our family, and I were greeted with the news that Jared had cancer; a fact that instantly placed our lives on a rollercoaster in complete darkness. Each moment through this time has been unique, and completely unpredictable. From the initial shock of the cancer revelation, to spending Christmas at the hospital, to experiencing a few weeks of a brother who is physically there, but unable to understand, comprehend and basically hold a conversation, each and every day is truly new. From the beginning of this trial though, it has been understood by our family, and especially Jared that we have not been given this as punishment, but as a means by which each and every member of the family can be stretched to develop in previously unforeseen ways. Jared has been stripped of a great deal of the inherent pride we all carry (especially as men). As a result of the surgery, and subsequent knee replacement, he has been told that he can never run again, but Jared’s athletic skill has always been one of his primary traits that he has to value. Additionally, he has been stripped of almost all of the deep, meaningful relationships he had built over the summer projects and year and a quarter he spent at Miami after those trips. No longer was that support group around to check in and build into my brother’s life, forcing Jared to have to pursue a walk of faith with the Lord almost entirely alone for the first time. Amongst all of our family, we have had to adapt to new roles thrust at us. For me, I have been pushed from just watching my brother’s faith and trying to apply the knowledge I’ve gained from him into my life, into a rapid transformation of becoming one of his lone confidantes. Perhaps the most meaningful moment I’ve experienced with Jared came while sitting in his hospital room after the surgery. After a period of talking for a while, Jared turned to me and told me that I had become his best friend. After not seeing Jared for nearly two years, amidst his schooling at Miami and summer trips, I had become his best friend and a part of his close support basis.

This whole cancer thing has truly pushed me to limits I didn’t know I could bear. I don’t know how to handle most of the situations I’m faced with currently; I’m used to being forced to decide between choices on a multiple choice test, that I’ve had weeks to prepare for. I have not however had prior experience with dealing with drugs whose entire purpose is to destroy all of an individual’s cells, good and bad, or a pathology report that wasn’t comforting in the least, and even just the fact that most of my peers who I interact with daily don’t understand in the slightest what this situation looks like for me. But this situation has already borne incredible fruit. My closest friends have been pushed to support me in newfound ways, and we have established profound relationships with each other that wouldn’t have arisen otherwise. My family has been blessed with the opportunity of all of us living at home for an unexpected full year together, through which we have already been able to encourage each other, and strengthen the bonds with each other, which otherwise wouldn’t have been able to come about. And maybe most importantly to me, is the growth in friendship, and love I have experienced with Jared through this time.

Over the course of my life, I have always held Jared as a role model in my eyes. Early on we battled each other, which then led into a distant and almost absent relationship, and finally, through the grace of God, into a true brotherly relationship of mutual support, and encouragement. Led by Jared’s example, I have grown to understand what a true relationship with Christ looks like, and I have now been given the opportunity to minister to him in a similar way that he was able to do so for me. Without my brother, I wouldn’t have lived these past few years with the desire to submit all to the Lord. God’s gift of a brother to me is one which I shall truly be eternally grateful for.